Interview with Neeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator

Today my guest is Neeta Lyffe.  She is a zombie exterminator from Inglewood, California.

Hi, Neeta.  Could you tell me about yourself?

My name is Neeta Lyffe, and I’m an exterminator by trade, with specialization in zombie extermination.  I serve the Inglewood, CA area, although I have assisted in exterminations throughout the Los Angeles area.

Why did you become a zombie exterminator?

I was raised in the business. My mother, Carol Lyffe, was one of the first zombie exterminators and a strong advocate for extermination regulations (including the license to re-kill) and for the Zombies are NOT People movement.  I killed my first zombie when I was in middle school, and got my exterminator license and license to re-kill when I was 18.

How long have you been in the business?

I took over the business in 2039, when my mother died of cancer, but I’d been assisting her for long before that.

What is your approach to eliminating zombies?

Distract and Destroy.  Isolating them from the living population is the best option, but not always possible, so I want to get their attention away from the living—including me, if possible.  Then I go in for the re-kill.  Beheading or spine severing are the most sure methods, although they are very susceptible to flames and burn easily.  My tool of choice has always been the chainsaw, but lately, I’ve been very impressed with monofilament swords—less splatter.

What is Zombie Death Extreme?

ZDE is a reality TV show in which apprentice exterminators are trained and put to the test.  Naturally, what you see on television is mostly the testing, but all the contestants must also pass their state exams in order to qualify for the million dollar prize.  It’s the brainchild of Dave Lor, who has done many reality TV shows, and he recruited me to train the exterminators in the first season.  It was one of the most difficult things I’d ever done, in no small part because I was dealing with Hollywood’s demand for entertainment, but I’m overall proud of the show and of my plebes.  It’s in its third season now.  You can read more at http://zombiedeathextreme.com.

Can you tell me about the massacre at Burbank?

There was an abandoned mattress factory near the highway in Burbank that attracted zombies.  We call them “roach motels” in the business because usually zombies find them and stay—they check in, but don’t check out.  In this particular case, however, over 200 zombies holed up in the factory broke out and started attacking people on the streets.  My plebes and I were the first on the scene.  We weren’t able to save everyone, unfortunately, but we did rescue most of the people caught in the zombie wave—and those that we couldn’t save, didn’t come back to attack others.

Can you tell me what goes on at an exterminator's convention?

It’s like any other professional conference you might go to—panels on different aspects of the business, demonstrations of the latest equipment, awards…  The expo floor is always a treat, with free samples and the best deals all year.  It’s a great place to make contacts, meet up with old friends, and learn.  Sometimes, they will have recertification seminars for the convenience of attendees.

I’m looking forward to ZomZeitgeber this year.  I’m hoping to purchase the monofilament swords, find some chemical defenses to replace the ineffectual stuff I have now, and of course, I’ll be making appearances at the Zombie Death Extreme booth, as well as the Broken Bridge car expo, where I’ll be showing off my van, courtesy of the New Hummers.

Do you think we will ever be rid of zombies?

Until we know the cause and find a vaccine, we will probably never be rid of them totally.  However, thanks to spine severing laws and good public awareness, I think the problem will continue to decline until zombie extermination will be a once in a blue moon event.  That’s in the United States, of course.  Other nations are not as strict about dealing with their dead, and their zombie population is much larger.

What do you like to do when you are not exterminating zombies?

I like to visit museums—I studied art appreciation in college—and to surf, watch movies, and hang out with friends.  I also work out at least an hour every day.  Being able to chase down a zombie and behead him with a chainsaw is not light work!

Do you have any tips for homeowner's on how to better avoid zombie attacks in their homes?

Awareness is key.  The problem with zombies is that we don’t know who will come back, which is why spine severing at the time of death is so vital.  Zombies do, however, tend to follow habits  they learned in life.  For example, smokers will be drawn toard a pack of cigarettes, and most will be mesmerized by TV.  So if you are attacked—Distract, Run, and call 9-1-1.  (You can read some details at http://lue.zombiedeathextreme.com//protect.html). Do not attempt to engage a zombie unless absolutely necessary.

If you are caught in a zombie alert, stay indoors.  Lock all doors, turn the TV on with no volume to a popular show an leave that room, then hold up in a room not likely to draw a zombie—the parlor, the bathroom, or the attic. Splash some bleach or chemical cleaner on the threshold to repel the zombies, and use your cell phone to check for updates.

Is there some type of training program new recruits must go through before they can call themselves zombie exterminators?

Absolutely, not every exterminator gets to be a zombie exterminator.  First, you undergo vigorous psychological evaluation. Then there is a difficult written exam, exercises in zombie recognition, and finally physical training in the extermination arts.

Do you have anything else you'd like to share?

Just remember—if you see a zombie, distract, run and call 9-1-1.  Do not attempt to kill a zombie yourself unless absolutely necessary.  Zombieism is a body-fluids contagion, so any kind of splatter can infect you just as easily as a bite if it gets in the wrong area, like the eyes or mouth.

And if you live in the Inglewood, California, area and are in need of an exterminator, please consider Lyffe-Undeath Exterminations.  Small or large, a pest is a pest.  Let us get rid of them for you.

Thank you, Neeta.  I'm sure the people of Inglewood, California feel safer knowing that you are there to protect them.